Baby Safety

Dear Melissa:

We’re having a baby soon and I’m trying to childproof everything I can. Can you give us some suggestions about the baby’s room? O.G., California

Dear O.:

First of all, congratulations. This is an exciting time for you.

By now, I’m sure you know all about the outlet covers, cabinet and drawer latches, and car seat and crib safety requirements. You’ll be safer if you are purchasing the latter two new.

There are a few things that you may overlook in the baby’s room, however. Keep the baby’s crib, changing table, and any chairs away from window treatment cords (even the breakaway kind) and any type of bed canopy. If you must use them, be absolutely scrupulous about crib bumpers. They should attach to the crib slats with SHORT ties that Velcro or snap on. (I know this from personal experience.) And keep all bedding and drapery away from the room’s heat source.

Look for dressers that have been weighted at the bottom and can’t topple over. Even better is anchoring the dresser to the wall. (Same goes for bookcases.) Make sure, too, that the dresser drawers have stops and can’t be pulled free. I recommend that you install wall-to-wall carpeting once the baby is old enough to start crawling, to avoid nasty splinters.

Good luck to you. M.A.K.

Spring Is Coming

Dear Readers:

I am cautiously optimistic that spring is around the corner; I even heard a rumor of the appearance of crocuses. Of course this time of year inspires people to behave irrationally, often concerning their homes. Take spring cleaning, for instance. Personally, I like to avoid this at all costs. There are, in fact, some things that seem like a really good idea, but which one should never do. Here are a few of my favorites:

o     Never take off your cushion covers or slip covers and throw them in the washing machine, (unless of course your daughter wants to use them in her Barbie house);

• Never refinish an inherited piece of furniture unless you are sure it’s not valuable;
• Never wash mini blinds in the tub;
• Never wash prefinished wood floors with water,(the cracks between the boards have not been sealed);
• Never spray clean fabric flowers;
• Never deep clean good upholstery yourself -- get a professional;
• Never scrub laminate countertops will anything stronger than a nylon scrub sponge; and
• Never repaint walls and woodwork when all they need is a good cleaning.

On the other hand, now is the perfect time of year to:

• Straighten all of your cockeyed pictures;
• Rearrange the furniture;
• Roll up and store your heavy carpets;
• Purchase a cheerful new bed ensemble;
• Indulge in some potted spring flowers;
• Lighten up your window treatments;
• Wash your patio furniture and BBQ grill;
• Switch around those tired old accessories;
• Change your throw pillows;
• Consider summery slipcovers; and
• Purchase thirsty new towels, a wonderful shower curtain, and pretty new table linens.

It’s also a really good time to get outside and just forget about your house. Enjoy the warmer weather. M.A.K.

Dear Melissa:

We just finished picking out cabinets for a new kitchen. We are going to use either a neutral granite or granite-like Corian for the countertops. We would like to create an unusual backsplash and I need some suggestions. D.S., North Carolina

Dear D.:

I am assuming you are planning a full-height backsplash, rather than a 4-5” high one. You probably know by now that your choice of materials is endless, but I’ll share some of my personal favorites with you.

There is nothing simpler nor cleaner looking than continuing the same countertop material up the backsplash or using tile. These can look a little uninspired, though, so I prefer to highlight several key areas along the wall -- such as behind the range, under glass cabinets, and above a planning desk, for example – with accents.

If your kitchen is traditional, the accents can consist of ceramic tile murals or picture-frame molding surrounding contrasting tiles set on a diagonal. When using ceramic tile, decorative molding is also critical.

If your kitchen is contemporary, I suggest either a simple stainless steel backsplash; glass tiles; stone tile with accents of quilted stainless steel or patterned sheet copper, or a combination of ceramic, metal and glass tiles in a collage. Regarding the latter, if you are artistically challenged, just copy some simple modern art of your choosing.

My absolute favorite and signature look is a reverse-painted glass backsplash. The painted design under the glass can be classic, traditional or contemporary. And it’s so unique and cleanable. You will need an artist, however.

If you have difficulty picturing patterns and materials, turn to the many kitchen and bath books on the market for some great visual aides. M.A.K.

Whwn a Vessel Sink Won't Drain

Dear Melissa:

I don’t know if you’ve ever talked about this but we’re having a problem with our very expensive bathroom sink. It’s called a “vessel” sink and it sits like a bowl on top of, not in, the bathroom vanity. I don’t want to admit how much this sink cost us but no matter what we do it won’t drain. Have you ever heard of such a thing? Overflowing and Disgusted

Dear Disgusted:

Oh, honey, been there; done that. Twice. It doesn’t even have to be a vessel sink to do this. I know from experience that an equally expensive marble drop-in sink can have the very same problem. The common denominator is that these sinks are missing the hole that normally handles the water overflow.

It seems this handy little channel also adds much needed air to the pipes. Now, I barely passed Physics, but I know just enough about plumbing to know that for some mysterious physical reason, water can’t drain without the right amount of air. Go figure.

There is an air vent in your bathroom wall that is probably not enough to handle this type of problematic sink. I am assuming that you too did not opt for a pop-up drain. I have tried many suggestions, but only one remedy has worked for me. It’s called a “touch drain”, and it’s similar to a pop up, but more contemporary looking and less expensive. You simply press the disk in the center and it “pops up”, sucking in the much needed air.

Some high-end European manufacturers now build in overflows even in their vessel sinks. You might try one of these next time, if there is a next time.

I hope the touch drain works for you. Otherwise, there’s always the very retro-chic plumber’s helper --- the plunger. M.A.K.

How to Arrange Accessories Like the Retail Magicians

Dear Melissa:

When I go into furniture stores they have everything arranged on tables so nicely. When I try to do it just looks like I dumped a bunch of things on a table. How do I make groupings look good? K.P.

Dear K.:

When trying to create a vignette of accessories, family photos, and the like, it helps to have an eye for composition. Barring that, try these guidelines. Copy what you admired as closely as possible. If you are more confident, group your accessories by type, size, shape, or color – either to relate them to one another or to contrast them. Try to balance the large, dark objects within the arrangement in such a way that your eye travels around them, and is not drawn to just one place. The aim of composition is visual movement and balance. Vary the height of the objects in the grouping to create a more interesting display. Combine tall and short accessories. If you are arranging a collection of objects of roughly the same size, place them at differing heights on top of books or decorative boxes.

If you are still compositionally impaired, remember that “less is more”. Make a statement with just one really impressive accessory on the table, and leave it at that. M.A.K.

Navigating Stairs with Vision Problems

Dear Melissa:

I’m getting on in years and while I can still climb the stairs in my home I have some vision problems and sometimes the stairs look like one solid color to me. My children are worried that I’ll fall. I’m beginning to think they’re right. Is there anything I can do short of moving into a ranch? W. H., Illinois

Dear W.:

Yours is not an uncommon situation, since we baby boomers are all aging (gracefully and otherwise). I’ve actually given a lot of thought to this problem. Good lighting is of course crucial, and rarely provided on staircases I might add. You need to highlight the edge of each tread so that the steps don’t blur together. This can be done in several ways depending on your budget.

Let’s get the two most costly solutions out of the way first. One is to have a carpet installer inset a narrow strip of carpet, in a second color, along the edge of each step; another choice would be to have an electrician light each tread – anything to create definition.

The least costly remedies are to remove the carpeting and stain or paint the edge of each tread. If someone is artistic, this accent strip could be a lovely stenciled design. No matter which solution you choose, get in the habit of keeping your hands free and ALWAYS using the handrail. M.A.K.

For the Weekend Warrior

Designate a room to be this weekend’s challenge. Try one or more of these projects:

For $100 and under …

…Remove all clutter and clean the room until it sparkles. Pare down the number of accessories. Do not forget to wash the windows and all the bric-a-brac. This is already a huge improvement.

…Rearrange the furniture around a focal point. It’s free and I guarantee you that at least one of your rooms can use it. “Shop” your other rooms to gather the most interesting pieces of furniture, rugs, and accessories. Group them for emphasis in this room. Go for IMPACT.

…Create tabletop vignettes with accessories or collections. Start the collection you’ve always wanted.

…Paint anything and everything in sight that needs refreshing, including pieces of tired furniture. Go on, go a little crazy and add some color.

…Lower the artwork on your walls. Proportion also matters, so add artwork to your large walls and remove some art from your small walls. Reframe any picture that needs it.

…Set out fresh flowers.

…Go flea market shopping.

…Increase the wattage in all of your lamps.

…Replace your shower curtain and ratty old towels.

For $500 and under, do all of the above, plus…

…Wallpaper the room.

…Buy a new lamp.

…Add a large plant or tree, with an uplight behind it.

…Splurge on fresh flowers for every room.

…Slipcover a piece of furniture.

…Refinish the hardwood floor or install a new carpet.

…Replace the bed linens with a new ensemble.

…Have a decorator create a plan and timetable for you.

…Paint your front door, replace the porch light, set out some colorful planters, and sweep the path.

…Now that the entry to your house is inviting, throw a party and fill the room with people and foods you enjoy. You won’t even notice the room anymore.

For $2000 and under…

…Replace your kitchen set.

…Reupholster some furniture.

…Buy a piece of investment furniture.

…Copy the ideas in a magazine picture.

…Install new window treatments. Install a fabulous new window.

…Hide your electronics in a new armoire.

…Purchase a great piece of art.

…Go away to a spa for the weekend. When you return nothing will have changed, but you won’t feel so bad about it anymore.

When Should You Call in a Designer?

Dear Melissa:

At what point during a project do you recommend working with a designer? Does it have to be from the very beginning, and for the entire project? Couldn’t we just use a retail salesperson, who is free? C.M., Montana

Dear C.:

Naturally if you are undertaking a large, complicated, or costly project, it is a good idea to work with some type of design professional right from the start, as you begin to formulate your ideas. By evaluating your specific taste, budget, and lifestyle, a designer can direct you to the best resources available to meet your specific needs. This will help you avoid costly mistakes. You may or may not need continued assistance, but you can always limit the scope of the project to what your budget can handle.

Unless you are dealing with a very large retailer, I would recommend an independent decorator or designer, rather than in-store help. This has nothing to do with ability; it has to do with options. An independent designer is not limited to the products offered by that one store. Suppose you like a particular chair, but cannot find a fabric in the store that you like. A designer has thousands of fabrics available through showroom accounts. And what if you need carpeting, wallcovering or window treatments to coordinate with the furniture? Again, your choices are unlimited with an independent designer. M.A.K.

Is Being a Decorator Stressful?

Dear Melissa:

Is your job stressful? If so, in what ways?  Do you have any recommendations for someone who wants to get into this career? P.V., Ohio

Dear P.:

Is my job stressful? Too bad you couldn’t hear my uncontrollable laughter when I read your question. Is there any job that isn’t occasionally stressful?

There are a lot of advantages to this field: creativity, variety, not being deskbound, exposure to beautiful things, discounts, etc. On the other hand, there is always the downside of problems re: building codes, deadlines, paperwork, inventory, backorders, discontinued items, dye lots, accounts receivable, subcontractors, and shipping delays, to name but a few. And don’t get me started on the challenges of running a business in this economy!

My recommendation to someone considering this career would be to run away screaming, but I’m obviously a fine one to talk. (I’ll be much more positive after our holiday installations.)

Seriously, this is an enormous field with lots of specialties: residential design, commercial design, interior architecture, furniture design, retail sales, kitchen/bath design, hospitality design, and institutional design, as well as several sub-specialties. I suggest you start by taking a few classes at one of the local colleges. Visit some decorating firms. Read some trade publications.

Once the perceived glamour of this field has been stripped away, and you can see the job underneath, you’ll know if the business of interior design really appeals to you. If it still does, experiment with the different aspects of the field to see what suits you most. Then go for it; we can always use good people in this industry. M.A.K.

Fitting a Square Peg in a Round Hole

Dear Melissa:

We have a corner fireplace in our new family room creating a problem angle. The shape of the room is no longer square, but now has five sides. We don’t want wall-to-wall carpeting covering our beautiful wide-plank floor, but how do we place a rectangular area rug in this weird shape? N.M., Texas 

Dear N.:

You don’t. You could try a round area rug, but unless you are using a round table or a circular seating arrangement, that might be difficult to work with. I would recommend either a bordered area rug from your local carpet store, or a canvas floor cloth painted by a local artist, custom made to fit the contour of your room. This fun shape will accent the architectural interest of the room. Your palette and patterns are limitless. M.A.K.

How to "Senior-Proof" Your Home

Dear Melissa:
My elderly parents are unwell and are coming to live with us. I know how to child proof a house, but how do I “senior proof” it? T.S., New York

Dear T.:

Aging in place and Elderdesign are two of the fastest-growing segments of interior design, and a favorite subject of mine. Assuming your parents are not wheelchair-bound you won’t have to worry about major structural changes, but there are some basic precautions to take.

A decline in your parents’ visual acuity will be the biggest problem. Obviously, you should increase your lighting and make sure there is a color contrast among flooring, walls, and furniture. Excuse my getting personal, but this includes changing a toilet that blends in with similarly colored tiles.

You should also add grab bars in the bathroom. Make sure all stairs have handrails and that the edges of the treads are clearly defined. Remove all throw rugs.

I’m sure your parents would also appreciate it if you replaced two soft, deep chairs with armchairs that have firm seats. What is considered comfortable and inviting changes with age.

Stay tuned for more information on this subject, since eventually we will all need it. In the meantime here are some Internet sites to get you started:

www.aarp.org, www.asid.org, www.ext.colostate.edu/pubs/consumer/10242.html  M.A.K.

What's Wrong with White Walls?

Dear Melissa:
Why do decorators resent us for having white walls? Maybe we like white walls. R.G., Indiana 

Dear R.:

We have nothing against white walls per se. They can be very effective when chosen deliberately. Sadly, many people ignore this wonderfully colorful world of ours, thinking they are making the “safe” choice. In most of these cases, white walls actually work against them.

Try this experiment: Look closely at a wooden piece of furniture against a white wall. Now slide a piece of colored paper or fabric between the wall and this piece of furniture. Compare the look of the wood. Can you see how the color makes the wood look richer, while the white wall actually strips color from the wood?

I’ll also let you in on a pet peeve of mine. Look at the pictures in your family photo album taken against a white wall. Don’t they look like the background is missing? Wouldn’t your family look better against a richly textured, colorful backdrop?

If you are really timid, just paint your walls a tint of color. Think of your poor furniture and family! M.A.K.

Shake Up those Musty Traditions and Decorations

Dear Readers:

Ever get tired of the same old Christmas décor? Feel like you are stuck in ironclad traditions? Been dying to try a more avant garde or kitschy, whimsical look? Sometimes I get really tired of “an old-fashioned Christmas”.

Be creative and take a shot at some new ideas. Instead of the usual evergreen garland, why not use a white branch with a single red ball hanging from the tip on a red ribbon? Cut organza from the fabric store into squares for gift wrap. Have a different theme or single color palette in each room.

Start a new tradition. My friend, Carol Watts, has Margaritas at Midnight every year with her family to celebrate the departure of guests. Hide your kids’ presents and have them hunt for them. (Tell them Santa picked up the Easter Bunny while hitchhiking, and they got sloshed on eggnog and thought this would be a riot.)

Experiment with a new wreath. Make a braided bread-dough wreath. Hang a square one. How about a theme wreath made entirely of polka dot bows or stars-and-stripes ribbon, angels, little packages, pinecones, cardinals and bird houses, or vintage toys?

Here are some ideas for a more personalized, theme tree. For the gardener -- use vintage tools, animal figurines, miniature fences, and raffia; for the sailor -- mini ships and oars, sand toys, lighthouses, shells, and netting; for the office worker -- pens, scissors, binder clips, computer disks, and paperclip chains; for the diva -- sparkly Victorian jewelry; and for the December baby -- a tree covered in balloons with a candle on top. You get the idea. Be imaginative.

Christmas when over decorated tends to look a tad … hmm, shall we say “tacky”, anyway, so why not play up a sense of fun with some deliberate kitsch and go all out for a “tacky little Christmas”? Unearth the old aluminum tree with the bubble lights and the plastic peppermint candy garlands. String lights on a plastic palm tree, and play Jimmy Buffet’s ”Ho, Ho, Ho, and a Bottle of Rhum”. Dress up your daughter’s dolls in antlers and group them as carolers. I always place the Hallmark character, Maxine --you know, the sourpuss old lady in their cards -- in a sleigh in my living room; the doll is dressed up as a grumpy Christmas shopper, and she is my alter ego on bad days.

Try something unexpected. Those of you who read my column last Christmas will probably remember that instead of a wreath on my front door, I have a rubber chicken wearing a silver lame jumpsuit and ankle boots. Let’s face it, a sense of humor is definitely lacking during the holidays. But not at my house. M.A.K.

Every year instead of a wreath, I hang a rubber chicken wearing in a silver lame jumpsuit with ankle boots on my front door

Dear Readers:

My best friend jokingly asked me to create holiday decorations for her, knowing full well the limitations of my craft abilities. I’m not Martha, nor one of those decorators who can whip up a masterpiece from odds and ends lying around the house and yard. Luckily I excel at assessing the quality of work by true craftsmen. (And purchasing same.) In fact, I typically break out in a cold sweat when faced with a hot glue gun. In one horrible year alone I had to create both holiday decorations (shudder) for a large bookstore and stainless steel window treatments for a showhouse. I glued my fingers together for the former – which doesn’t hurt as much as you might think – and gave myself a third degree burn with the latter. FYI, stainless steel is a tremendous heat conductor.

Needless to say, I prefer to approach decorating for the holidays differently than crafters, or even traditionalists for that matter. The most beautiful Christmas tree we ever had was a perfectly shaped white pine with nothing on it but tiny white lights. At night the wispy branches cast sort of a halo of light around the tree. We called it our Zen tree, and it was truly magical. A grouping of small trees can also be sensational and different. I can guarantee you that your guests will be fascinated.

I trust that like the inevitable fruitcake, at least one poinsettia will show up. If so, go out and get some more of the same color, so that you can at least mass them together into something special. I actually like the coral double blooms when grouped in large quantities.

What a great time of year to display a collection and intersperse it with greens and tiny lights. I know it sounds Christmas-y, but tiny lights make everything look better. Try them on a bookcase. Among your houseplants. Around your headboard. Jumbled in a clear bowl. (Especially if you can’t untangle them from last year.) There is something enchanting about light. That’s one of the reasons I’m addicted to menorahs; if I had the space, I’d have an enormous menorah collection. I love the story; and like most religious artifacts, menorahs are magnificent pieces of art.

Why not set a monochromatic table this year? This can have a tremendous impact in candlelight. Table settings can be stunning when done in all red, all green, all blue, silver/white, or gold/white. Tie an ornament or small gift around each napkin.

I also love irreverent ornaments. An amusing flying pig ornament hung all year from my last dining room chandelier. And every winter I hang the same oversized ornament on my front door instead of a wreath. It’s a rubber chicken, wearing a silver lame jumpsuit with ankle boots. It could use a white feathered headdress, but you know how I feel about hot glue guns. Have a great holiday! M.A.K.

Treat Yourself Well During the Holidays

Dear Readers:

It’s holiday season again. It keeps coming around like clockwork, doesn’t it? Time to turn your home into a refuge from the stress. It’s like preparing for battle, this having to counteract the crowds, shopping, money issues, cooking, relatives, obligations, and year-end deadlines at work. Well, I managed to exhaust myself just thinking about them. Make your home into a sanctuary before it’s too late.

It’s time to set the mood to de-stress when you enter that front door. Clear the decks. Nothing is more peaceful than clutter-free space. Store all extraneous stuff. You’ll be needing space for boots, hats, gloves, packages, and holiday decorations soon enough. Start now and pace yourself.

Add the special touches that help you unwind to my list. Set out fresh autumnal flowers in your kitchen and on your nightstand. Forget “beach” reading; now is the time to stock up on books to read curled up before the fire. Bring in that firewood for final drying. Why not put on a soothing CD, or some holiday music to get you in the mood?

Each weekend fill your home with soothing smells: heat up a pumpkin or apple pie; bake some gingerbread; simmer some soup or stew. Now, that’s my kind of aroma therapy! The nights are getting chilly. Take the time after work to relax in a hot tub with some funky candles and bath salts. Change into fleecy sweats and comfy socks. Get those down comforters and chenille throws out of mothballs. Plump up those bed pillows. How about some new flannel sheets?

If you must leave your sanctuary to shop, carry a book or Walkman with you to survive the long lines at the register. If you have to travel, treat yourself to a travel pillow and comfy throw for the car or plane; and pack a picnic basket with gourmet snacks. Go in comfort for once, and make the best of a bad situation.

You should have everything in place to help yourself relax before those moments of holiday madness strike. Home is your refuge. It’s all about treating yourself well, when you need it the most. Ah, the holidays. M.A.K.

The Holidays Are Coming!

Dear Readers:

Hey, Happy Holidays!

Is it just me or does it feel like we are fast approaching “Halloweenthanksgivingchristmas”? Weren’t they actually three separate occasions once upon a time? And didn’t the season start this week, instead of in JUNE?

Religious considerations aside, as a decorator, I truly appreciate the commercialism of holidays. Retailers -- and yes, decorators -- depend on it for their livelihoods. And as a shopper I am fully onboard, too, but pretty soon we will be “Newyearseveeastermotheresdayfathersdayfourthofjulyhalloweenthanksgivingchristmas” shopping all year long. And don’t get me started on Valentine’s Day.

Some people love to give gifts. Some people love to decorate. Some people love to give gifts and decorate. I am one of these people. I love decking my halls. Ah, ‘tis the season made in catalog heaven. And department-store heaven. And Internet heaven. My heavens.

These “divine” sources constantly bombard us with ideas for decorating; but when it comes to the holidays, some of these suggestions should frankly be ignored. That wonderful design principle, “Less is more” has been replaced with “Too much is not enough.”

Maybe it’s an age thing, but I am noticing a lot of changes, and not all of them for the better. Let’s focus on Christmas decorations. Trends change and just as with clothing, decorations go in and out of style. What I have been noticing lately, however, is that while there are some interesting new twists in the market, consumers still have access to all available styles from the most retro to the extremely avant garde, in order for retailers to survive. Unfortunately, some people are decorating with a mish mash of all the things available to them, and this is a shame.

As a decorator, I have to have an appreciation for all styles. It comes with the job description. I admit that at times I personally have trouble choosing among them, but eventually professional discipline exerts itself and I settle on my look for the year. This is not easy since I have a garage and storage unit full of past decorations – no exaggeration. So, I freely admit it is difficult to choose when faced with everything under the sun, but filling one’s home with a little of everything goes well beyond eclectic into insane-looking. (And those of you who do this know who you are.)

I would like to offer some suggestions to those of you who are overwhelmed each year by too many choices. Keep collecting the holiday decorations you really love. Sigh over them nostalgically as you sort through them each holiday season. Then pick one theme or style for the current year -- and put everything else back! At least group different looks in separate rooms. You will be surprised at how much better --- and dare I say, more professional --- a room looks with a restrained hand.

There are almost too many choices for holiday decorations, but there are some tried-and-true winners. Consider some of my all-time favorites, but first remove all of your non-seasonal accessories to start with a clean canvas:

SOME OF MY FAVORITE THINGS

• A monochromatic room or table – all white, all gold, all silver – you get the picture.
• A retro theme with an aluminum tree, bubble lights, kewpie dolls and kitschy garland.
• Over-the-top trees crammed with things like lamps, dolls, books, toys, utensils, flowers, lace, tinsel, icicles, etc.
• A totally organic winter wonderland – pomegranates, clove-studded oranges, branches of berries.
•  Victorian theme with lots of beaded fruit, dark velvet, pearls, ostrich feathers and lace.
• A country theme with popcorn/cranberry garlands, pinecone or wood ornaments, and gingham ribbons.
• An elegant theme with an all-white tree.
• Tiny white lights on anything.
• Fresh flowers or feathers on a tree.
• A fresh garland up the staircase.
• A fire in the fireplace.
• A personalized wreath or tree, with vintage gardening tools and raffia for the gardener; shells and mini sailboats for the beach-lover; teddy bears for the collector; etc.
• A Lionel train set under the tree.
• A collection of mercury glass.
• Luminaria lighting a pathway.
• A sense of humor, whether it be a Department 56 ornament, or antlers on the dog.

Now, look back over the above list and picture how awful a room would look with a hodge-podge of these styles. Their impact would totally disappear. (Write that down.)

Here are some other really bad ideas that are available nowadays:

SOME OF MY NOT-SO-FAVORITE THINGS (I apologize if you own these, but…)

•  The new upside-down trees. I mean really, is there any value to this gimmick to get you to buy something new?
• It doesn’t even look good stylistically.
• Large, inflatable anything.
• Really cheap, plastic decorations that light up, move, and/or make sounds.PirateS of the Caribbean Santas. Yes, these are really available on the Internet.
• Snow-making machines. I guess these are for people who think they live in Universal Studios.

 Just because it’s available and different, it doesn’t mean you have to buy it. (Write that down, too.)

M.A.K.  

Avoid a Thanksgiving from Hell

Dear Melissa:

I don’t know if you can help with this, but I dread hosting Thanksgiving again this year. How do I avoid another Thanksgiving from hell? K.R., Guilford, CT

Dear K:

Based on the movies and countless books dealing with the subject, I’d say Thanksgiving is a universal problem. I personally think it’s because this is the only mandatory family celebration with no gift-giving to focus on, so it’s pure family dynamics. Or should I say “dramatics”?

I’d approach this the way any good events planner would. Think about the last time you had a wonderful dinner at someone’s house. Unless it was the home of a great chef, it wasn’t the food you’re remembering fondly; it was the atmosphere. Since Thanksgiving is an emotional minefield for most people, my favorite solution is to invite a guest who is unrelated. This completely changes the group dynamics, giving everyone a neutral person to talk to. Plus they have to be on their best behavior in front of a stranger. You can return the favor to this person next year. (And amazingly, this person usually has a great time with your relatives.)

If it’s too late to drag someone in off the street, distract your guests in other ways.

Shake up your tired routines. If you always serve a sit-down meal, have a buffet. If everyone is always crowded into your dining room, set up some tables in the living room in front of the fire. If you opt for a buffet, create a tablescape. To do this you group together any sturdy household objects of varying heights: paint cans, books, solid cartons, upturned pots, etc. Toss one or two cloths over these and tuck them in. This should look like a fabric mountain range. Arrange platters of food on the different levels and intersperse cut flowers, votive candles, etc., among them. This is a very dramatic presentation.

Do something interesting with the dining table. Go to the craft store and pick up pheasant feathers and ostrich eggs. Send your kids out to collect autumn leaves. Pick up some miniature pumpkins and assorted gourds. Arrange all these in a basket for an atypical centerpiece. If you’ve already ordered flowers, scatter some of these among the blooms. By next week, it’ll be dim enough even at midday for candlelight to make an impact. Forget those two anemic tapers from the grocery store and spread 20 unscented votive and pillar candles around the table and room. Just place them strategically so that toddlers don’t keep blowing them out. And if Tabby didn’t head for the hills with the first ringing of the doorbell, don’t worry, I have it on good authority that cats’ tails are self-extinguishing.

Don’t forget soft music. It does “calm the savage breast”. Let the football game play in the other room and provide trays for the fans who can’t wait for the meal to end. (Don’t assume this means males only.) Look at the bright side of this: you’ll be facing fewer people at one time, with another group to join if the current conversation gets unpleasant.

Try to set up everything you can the night before. Then after you stagger downstairs in the predawn gloom to put the turkey in the oven, you can go back to bed for some fortifying rest. When your guests arrive, fix a smile on your face, be unfailingly polite, and accept all your compliments graciously. This is a good year to count your blessings. Happy Thanksgiving. M.A.K.

Should Lamps Be the Same Height?

Dear Melissa:

Should all of the lamps in my living room be the same height, and do you think that the lamps on either side of my couch should match? L. P., KY 

Dear L.:

The two most important things about lamps are (1) that you have enough light where you need it, and (2) that you aren’t looking up at the bulb when seated next to a lamp.

Lamps used as pairs should be the same height and scale, but these still don’t necessarily have to match. When you use lamps of various heights, survey the room to make sure your eye isn’t distracted by a large, showy lamp instead of being drawn to the focal point you intended.

If a lamp is too low, place it on a stack of leather-bound books for more height. Place a lamp that’s too high on a lower table, or try changing its harp or shade. Most rooms could use some height, so don’t exclude floor lamps. Why not consider a grouping of three funky accent lamps of differing heights, just for fun? M.A.K.

Carpet Care

Dear Melissa:

How should I care for a cotton area rug? It’s handmade and fairly expensive. Should I risk washing it? S.M., IL 

Dear S.:

Only if you want a misshapen pile of strings when you’re done. Fragile carpets should be treated professionally with stain repellants, kept out of direct sunlight, rotated regularly, and dry cleaned by a carpet expert. Treat carpets like the investments they are. Good care will prolong their life expectancy. M.A.K.

Quick Consultation?

Dear Melissa:

I’m not sure I want to invest in a decorator, although I need help with colors and mixing some patterns I have. Do decorators just do quick consultations? W.E., VA

Dear W.:

It is rarely cost effective for a decorator to come out to your home or office for just an hour consultation, although some do. You might get lucky if the decorator you want is having a slow spell during this economy, so call and ask. Perhaps the decorator will fit you in between local appointments, if you’re willing to wait. You may be charged a higher fee for a consultation, however; at the very least, offer the obliging decorator a cup of coffee. M.A.K.